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Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.

Hurt Reality Truth

Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

Blind Men Way

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Midget Toes

Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished.

Epic Funny Humor

Doing nothing is very tough to do because you never know when you're finished. The upside is that from the moment you wake up in the morning, you're on the job.

Jobs Morning Wake Up

I really have to keep an eye on myself, because sometimes I think I might say something important.

Eye Important Thinking

I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?

Adults Aging Pants

I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.

Basketball Funny Sex

It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.

Heaven Hell Matter

One thing a person won't do when he's laughing is try to beat you up.

Beats Laughing Trying

There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.

God Exists Old Saying Want

The reason they call if 'golf' is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.

Golf Letters Reason

The reason there's a question mark on my front door is just in case I forget my address.

Addresses Doors Forget

Shirley! Don't call me Shirley!

Call Me

Do your part to silence gossip - don't repeat it.

Gossip Repeats Silence

I would love to see what's going to happen with science fiction with peoples' heads, because we still have people running around in the year 2050 or 2100 or 2200 and they have incredible technology and you see the effects: laser beams and rays and beaming down and beaming up. Incredible technical things happening, but everybody is still running around jealous, fighting, whacking, cheating. There's got to be something going on! Some kind of change. I'd like to see something starting to happen in that area, with the psychology of the human being and how that changed.

Cheating Jealous Running

I played a lot of leaders, autocratic sorts; perhaps it was my Canadian accent.

Accents Leader

Are you having problems hearing? If so, those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter, so don't be a punchline.

Laughing Loss Matter

I don't think anybody can really sit down and decide that their mission in life is to make people think. I think their mission in life is to leave people alone!

Down And People Thinking

When you see Charlie Chaplin, he stays funny. He doesn't become drama, and so what really seems to endure is comedy.

Chaplin Comedy Drama