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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Funny Happy Birthday Humor

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Morning Silly Wake Up

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Funny Inspirational Running

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

Inspirational Life Time

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

Breakfast Morning Names

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

Funny Hilarious Retirement

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

Cute Inspirational Positive

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

Birthday Optimistic Wish

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

Funny Music Scotch

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Funny Humor Life

I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.

Elders Happy Birthday

And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

Blame Lawyer People

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

Birthday Death Funny

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Clever Drinking Drunk

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Funny Inspirational Love

I'd rather be over the hill than under it.

Hills Over The Hill

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

Funny Humorous Witty

In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.

Funny Humor Ice

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.

People Worry Young

When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.

Inspiring Light Teamwork