Translatero.com > Citations > Citations Frankie Boyle

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For 3 Million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person.

Giving Hands Scotland

Not only will America go to your country and kill all your people. But they'll come back 20 years later and make a movie about how killing your people made their soldiers feel sad.

America Country Years

On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.

Funny Humor Night

Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

Funny Humor People

Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

Funny Humor Play

I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?

Funny Humor Thinking

I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.

Funny Humor Surround Sound

People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.

Funny Heart Sex

Political correctness has changed everything. People forget that political correctness used to be called spastic gay talk.

Gay People Political

We don't live in a shared reality, we each live in a reality of our own, and causing upset is often the price of trying to reach each other. It's always easier to dismiss other people than to go through the awkward and time consuming process of understanding them. We have given 'taking offense' a social status it doesn't deserve: it's not much more than a way of avoiding difficult conversations.

People Reality Understanding

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

Airports Funny Humor

The thing I don't get about paedophilia... Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?

Dirty Funny Sexy

The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we'll dig a hole deep enough to deliver her to Satan ourselves.

Funny Humor Scotland

When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.

Funny School Sex

I feel sorry for Obama because he's still got to fight the innate racism of Americans. I mean, did you see his first speech, when he got made President and they put all that bullet proof glass in front of him? I think that shows you how racist America still is. Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anybody.

Fighting Mean Sorry

Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.

Congratulations Funny Humor

The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English.

Funny Humor Struggle

What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!

Funny Humor Wall

Stephen Hawking: Brainier than Kurt Cobain's garage wall.

Funny Humor Wall

My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory... He's a spastic.

Dad Funny Reading