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On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

4th Of July Monday Morning

Never buy anything with a handle on it. It means work.

Manners Mean Moral

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists.

Animal Passion Totems

Personally, I never admired communists because they operate on the theory that human beings are nice people.

Communist Nice People

We believe in healthy, hearty laughter -- at the expense of the whole human race, if needs be. Needs be.

Believe Laughter Race

Put it back in the horse!

Beer Drinking Horse

Hate-on-the-highway is an institution occupying a high place in our modern civilization....The godawful glares that drivers exchange as they pass each other, the mutual hatred between motorist and pedestrian, these manifestations seem to constitute the ultimate in righteous wrath.

Civilization Hate Wrath

Cats are people, and the sooner the world accepts that fact, the better off the world will be.

Cat People World

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

Gentility Moderation Too Much