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It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

Deeds Eagles Turkeys

I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

Idiot Sometimes Work Out

I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages. That's a lot of coloring when you think about it.

Book Pages Thinking

I immediately said yes for one reason and one reason only....Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks.

Netflix Reason Said

It's important I surround myself with people who make me happy.

Humor Important People

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

Chemistry Cracks Making Love

Mama says that, happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you're feeling blue.

Blue Happiness Sunshine

You've just got to give yourself time - that's good advice I think. Give yourself time to figure out what you're good at and what you're not good at.

Advice Giving Thinking

One night I couldn't sleep. It was like 2:00 in the morning. I was thinking, 'What can I do?' I'm watching TV. I'm like, 'Let me do something else.' I'm not going to fall asleep for a few hours. What are my hobbies? There was the masturbation option. I skipped that because just knowing my kids are down the hall I felt psychotic. So, I went with watching more TV. I couldn't come up with anything. I was going, 'God, read a book.' Then I was like this, 'Where do I keep the books?' I've got nothing to do but watch TV.

Book Fall Morning

How do I speak Spanish? Not too well.

Speak Wells

I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in.

Fans Littles Use

I know I want to always do the best I can.

Do The Best Knows Want

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

Alcohol Drinking Likes

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

Comedy Funny Wire

I say things, like every other parent, that reminds you of your own parents. One thing I do know about being a parent, you understand why your father was in a bad mood a lot.

Bad Mood Father Parent

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

Age Courses Pants

I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine.

Imagine Stronger

My kids don't have a trust fund, they have a debt fund. And when I die, they're $4 million in the hole.

Debt Fund Kids

When the kids are laughing in the audience, I tear up, I'm so happy I did a nice thing.

Kids Laughing Nice

I never had a speech from my father 'this is what you must do or shouldn't do' but I just learned to be led by example. My father wasn't perfect.

Boyfriend Father Perfect